laserquestbattle against the darkside
by emofish
Summary: well this is random. Basically its dumbledores birthday and hes treated to a day out at laserquest by his supporters, unfortunately as a huge coincidence the dark lord and his minions are bored and y am i writing this im sure you can guess whats coming
1. The idea

A/N: I'm sorry this is so random but what can I say I'm a pretty random child, also my friend Ellie (wheres-my-life-gone) is here and she's pretty random/perverted too

Ellie:if they read my stories(which they should, as they are pure genius) they will know that

Me: shut up, enyhu well we just got back from laser quest which is kinda what inspired this also all that usual disclaimer crap I don't own the characters blah de blah all characters are the work of J.K Rowling etc etc. Well anyway this is our…

Ellie: cough

Me:..Sorry, my first fanfiction so be kind otherwise you will feel my squirrelly wrath(a tribute to my lord and master foamy, I'm not gonna say where you can find him because he can be kinda offensive and I don't wanna get sued here, I'm skint) muwhahah anyway usual drill, r+r.

Ellie: can I just say I own Sam

Me: yes, yes you do. Now on with the story. Oh yeah also for the purposes of this story all the characters have been raised from the dead by the magically leprechauns I met in Ireland this week (they gave me gold you know)

Ellie: you lie I brought those people back and you know it.

Me: oh god, she gets like this at times, maybe if we ignore her she'll go away. Oh btw when a character _talks like this_, they're talking to themselves.

Ellie: Je M'en Fous about disclaimers.

Dumbledore stared in horror at the reflection in the looking glass, the years hadn't being kind to him, _Oh dear old fellow, you're really starting to look your 112 years now._ Dumbledore sighed, his attempt a brightening up his worn appearance had failed when the light chestnut dye he had bought had inadvertently turned his beard an astonishing shade of puce. _Another birthday spent alone_, he was the headmaster of a hugely successful school of witchcraft and wizardry, pupils and teachers alike adored, (well not everyone there is that one kid, but I digress) but somehow that didn't fill the gaping hole in his heart, or fulfill his longing for someone, _anyone_ to share his birthday with. (ellie: haha hes all alone)

"Surprise professor"

A group of people, all wearing party hats, and several carrying balloons with 'Happy 112th Professor Dumbledore' emblazoned across the front burst through his doorway.

"Did you really think we'd forgotten?" asked a smiling Minerva McGonagall

Professor Dumbledore smiled, "please you flatter me" he secretly he rather resented the balloons_, bastards, I know I'm 112 did they really have to remind me?_

"Professor, professor, guess where we going, and guess what it was all my idea!"

Dumbledore smiled down at a young Harry potter, really he despised the child, everyone did, _arrogant son of a…_oh sure he pretended to be fond of the boy, but he was just hamming it up for the millions of readers he knew there were worldwide, Dumbledore needed his good guy image, it was what kept the money rolling in.

"Now Harry, I'm a little old for guessing games don't you think, now why don't you tell me?

Harry blushed slightly "we're going to laser quest, professor, isn't that great?"

Dumbledore closed his eyes, _why?_ He thought _why, when I am surrounded by some of the greatest minds in the magical world, do they not see taking a elderly man to run around firing off lasers is not a good idea…good guy image. _He sighed deeply

"Yes that's a excellent idea Harry"

"Well we better get going then" interrupted Minerva" the place is in the muggle world and well have to get there on muggle transport to avoid suspicion"

And with that the group set off.

(This is random but if anyone happens 2 live in the Huddersfield area of west Yorkshire of England then there's a deal on at Huddersfield laser quest any weekday during the summer hols (and by that i mean summer hols 2006) between 1 and 3pm u get 3-6 games for six pound, man I'm doing a lot of advertising, I should be getting paid for this, if your 14 or under, yes thank you Elllie)

MEANWHILE IN SOME UNDERGROUND EVIL-GENIUS-TYPE LAIR…

Lord Voldemort sits stroking a white Persian cat (yes I know Voldemort isn't that fond of all things fluffy, but for reasons I'm not gonna go into here I've been reading up on James Bond characters recently and I just feel like referencing Bloface)

He sighed deeply, being a evil genius wasn't all it was cracked up to be, it was surprising how boring attempts at taking over the world could get, but hey he need something to pass the time didn't he.

"Master, master look what I found" a breathless Lucius Malfoy entered the dark lords chambers waving a flyer.

_Hmmmnnnn 3 games for 6 pounds, yes firing guns randomly at some muggles is just the kind of relaxation I need._

"Lucius, assemble a band of my finest shots among my minions" he smiled " I believe we have some muggle ass to kick. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

A/N-this is the updated version, it's been about 8 weeks since I published this and I just found it in my documents, I've corrected some errors and I'm exchanging this one for the old one (I'm also secretly hoping that if I do this I'll get more hits muahahaha but anyway) I'll add another chapter now as well as I'm the first one up in ma friends so I'm bored and need something to do before they get their ass in gear and get on MSN. Btw I'm not sure if I change chapters it will get rid of my story alerts if it does I apologise to Aidenshore and thejadefalcon but meh what ya gonna do?


	2. the journey

**A/N**- Well its about 8 weeks since me and Ellie (visit her and Oli at wheres-my-life-gone, if you like randomness your sure to like change of events and events still changing (btw you two where's my advertisement in yours) (Ellie: your going to be in the story isn't that good enough for you) (no)) but I updated and corrected like 2 minutes ago, basically I saw it on my profile page and decided to get off my backside and write another chapter. Woo just as I said that Ellie logged in on MSN she can help RIGHT ON WITH THE STORY. Oh by the way same as last chapter _when a character talks like this _he/she is talking to themselves (the first sign of madness dontcha know) (Ellie: n tlking to your brain is the second n writing as your brain is the 3rd crap im crazy) (lol yeah we all know that hun)

Chapter 2- The Journey muahahahaha 

Voldermort jumped to his feet, displacing his fluffy white cat in the process, it gave a howl of protest as it landed heavily on it's backside(hmmnn aren't cats always supposed to land on their feet (shrugs) ah well)

"oh snuggles did daddy hurt you, did he, did he aw he's a naughty man, naughty man, cootchi cootchi coo"

Lucius coughed. Voldy looked up from kissing his cat on the nose.

"Oh yes, errm well stand tall, eyes on the horizon" Voldy barked orders at the line of men in front of him whilst trying to regain some dignity "Petigrew, straighten that hood, look sharp men, look sharp. Eyes right and left, right, left, right, left , right HALT!" Voldemort stopped his men in front of the door whilst he rushed round checking windows and bolting doors, he dropped his ring of keys into a handbag along with a mobile, portable computer and a purse and grabbed a black and white fur coat off the coat rack, overall he looked strangely reminiscent of Cruella Deville ( I mean the bad guy out of 101 Dalmatians btw, it probably isn't spelt right.) He sashayed out of the front door his men marching out behind him. (I don't give a shit if this isn't what soldiers actually say by the way, this is my world keep out)

Dumbledore sighed as the 175 bus rolled into yet another stop, _Bloody British transport system I've been on this bloody bus for an hour already and if the scar on my knee is anything to go by_ (yes I know full well the scar on his knee is of the London underground but for the purposes of this story lets pretend its actually of the Huddersfield bus network) _there's still another 25 ½_ (how you get half a stop I don't know, ask Dumbledore, he's the wizard) _stops to go. _He stared out of the window, It was just a normal Saturday night, woman getting mugged, chavs having a fight, a drive-by (Ellie: woo), Voldy and some minions waiting at the bus stop, a pair…WTF VOLDY. _What the hell is Voldy doing braving the public transport system, as if that guy hasn't caused me enough problems, the slaughtering of my minions is bad enough but I still haven't forgiven him for that whoopie cushion he put on my chair when he was at Hogwarts. There again he does look pretty sensational in that coat._ Dumbledore felt himself becoming aroused. _WTF WHO WRITE THIS SHIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!_ Dumbledore heard sniggering coming from above him, he stood and threw open the door to the baggage rack (ok I know they don't usually have baggage racks in buses but this is artistic license) to reveal a 15 year old girl with shoulder length blonde hair and glasses crammed, along a white Packard Bell pc (my laptops screwed, I was desperate (Ellie:mine too)) into the tiny space typing manically on the keyboard. She turned to stare at him, waved manically and let out an evil cackle before slamming the door on his fingers. _Stupid inconsiderate little bi…good guy image._ He sighed and turned just in time to see the dark lord board the bus.

"What do you mean you don't take Galleons, they're real gold dontcha know?"(Ellie: are you Jamaican?)(yes yes I am Voldemort bit one of the coins to prove his point but only succeeded in breakin a tooth.

"I'm sorry sir, if you do not have the correct change I'm going to have to ask you to disembark"

Voldy drew himself to his full height "Do you not know who I am???" he demanded

"Sir, you can be the queen of Sheba for all I care, no fare, no ride" He got out of his cab in order to escort the troublemaker from his vehicle.

"YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE A LEVEL 144 DRAGON MASTER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Voldemort yelled in the unfortunate mans ear (my friend yelled this at a chav who tried to start a fight with him, it was hilarious) He fell back in shock and let go of Voldy's arm. "I thought not, come on boys, bloody muggle transport is more trouble than its worth" with that Voldermort, the dark lord, the most powerful wizard the world had ever seen swept off the unworthy muggle mode of transport, the effect was severely damaged when he tripped over his fur coat and fell flat on his face on the pavement. "Well that was funny" Harry said before being hit on the head by a frying pan.

"What I wanted in on the story" Ellie said putting the frying pan back on her bag turning around and hitting Ron in the face with her hair (Ellie: its long enough to do that it can also hit me in the face all the way round)

A/N- Lol what d'ya think, good bad let me know READ AND REVIEW. Oh I forgot the disclaimer nothing you recognize is mine is mine but I'm guessing you already knew that anyway I'm handing this over to Ellie for her to add her wisdom/craziness right now so goodnight and good luck (btw that is one of the worst films I have ever seen)


	3. The meeting

Ellie: Here's chapter 3 go me I'm writing it

Me: Get on with it Ellie

Ellie: You're as bad as Oli

Me: Readers, I'm sorry, she's out of control.

"Get out now! You're banned from laser quest for life, ok, just 2 months but still GET OUT" a teenage boy ran out of building and past the group of people that were there waiting for Dumbledore's birthday party to start. A couple of seconds later a girl of about 14, ran out of the building in pursuit of the runaway waving an umbrella around and shouting,  
"AND STAY OUT" she turned round and walked back the way she had come.  
"You know what, I think I left the oven on. I'll just go and turn it off, you can start without me can't you?" Dumbledore said making a beeline for the door.  
"No, this is your party you can't leave" Remus replied brightly, "and you don't own an oven. Come on what are you worried about?" _I stay, you stay, old man. _

"Come on let's go in and get started. It's going to be so much fun" Harry said grinning madly and skipping into the building with Ron and Mionie, because he had already left he didn't see the look on the adults faces, Dumbs and Remus looked like they where ready to kill Harry for having had should a stupid idea in the first place.  
_Just remember you need him to make you look good just remember, remember. Keep smiling, smile, smile YOU CALL THAT SMILING._

_I don't care if he is James's son I'm going to hit on the head with my laser gun, why did I have to come? You'd think they'd let me off, it's only 2 days before the full moon. KILL! KILL Ok, Ok, I can't kill him. YET_. Remus was thinking, smiling manically and rubbing his hands together.

When they got inside they saw another teenage girl stood behind a desk, well, more like sat on the desk, with her back to them talking to someone in a different room.

"Sam, where did you get that umbrella from anyway?" She asked

"I don't know Sarah" the voice of the girl, that must have been Sam, the girl they had seen outside replied.

"Well that's just silly, well what they say must be true, this place is haunted." the girl on the desk, Sarah, replied as Sam came into view.

"Hey! We got customers!" she shouted when she saw our little group of heroes. Sarah turned round to see what she was yelling about.

"Oh hi and welcome to laser quest, I'm Sarah and that's Sam, we'll be your instructors today, have you booked or are you just showing up?"

"Erm... We're just showing up" Harry answered.

"KO, well can we take your names then you can pay and get started." Sam said looking under the desk. After a couple of minutes she looked up and asked Sarah:

"Where's the book with the times and junk in it?"

"Your left hand is on it stupid" she replied.

"Oh yeah, KO, Sarah you get their names down, you know how much that book hates me"  
"Ok tell me your full name one at a time please"

"Harry Potter"

"Ok" Sarah said writing it down, not noticing Sam's mouth open a bit.

"Ron Weasley"

"How do spell that, please?"

"W.E.A.S.L.E.Y"

"Thanks" Sam's mouth dropped open a little more and her eyes getting grew wide.

"Hermione Granger"

"Is that right?" Sarah asked showing her the book.

"Yep" Sam's mouth had now dropped down to her knees and her eyes were bulging.

"Sirius Black"

"Ok, next" Sam was now pointing and gasping for air.

"Remus Lupin"

"O...K" Sarah said slowly, her eyes flicking across the names on the page already.

"Minerva McGonagall"

"Righttttttttt" Sam produced a book, from nowhere, and started beating herself round her head with it saying "I'm going crazy, well more then I was before" (Ellie: all my friends say that when I say I'm going crazy I don't know why Sarah: 'cause you are already crazy)

"Albus Dumbledore"

"Don't I know you from some random copyrighted film/book?" Sarah asked

"Erm..." Dumbs started, trying to come up with a convincing response when…

"SNAPEY, VOLDY, DRACO!!!" Sam shouted pointing to the doorway, before fainting (Ellie: yay me). They all turned round to face the doorway where, the people mentioned above and some other death eaters were stood, wind lifting their hair, and pop music playing somewhere in the background.

"Lucius that's enough" the dark lord commanded

"Sorry boss" Lucius Malfoy looked sheepish and hit the stop button on the stereo he was carrying, 'The boys are back in town' came to an abrupt halt. Sarah ran forward and threw herself at the feet of the dark lord, she began bowing, kissing the feet of the deatheaters, and muttering something about not been worthy.

"Mr. Potter what a nice surprise. What are you doing here?" Snape asked with a sly grin, but the look of sheer terror in his eyes revealed that the strange girl who had called him 'Snapey' had had the same unfortunate effect on him as she had on all strangers.

"I should ask you the same question, and… Voldy why are you wearing a fur coat?"

"I think you find it's the latest in fashion thank you very much, very big in Milan" Voldy replied then did some shifty eyes "It makes me look fat doesn't it, why didn't say anything Wormtail?"

"You never asked"

"ARE YOU GOING TO PAY AND PLAY OR NOT CAUSE I NEED TO TELL YOU THE RULES." Sam shouted, just coming round and groggy from the bump on the head she had received hitting the floor.  
"ERM…….. Lets forget about the names and just get ready" Sarah said standing, brushing off her clothes and trying to retain some dignity, "Come on, follow me." She said, walking to the door that led to the stairs.

Ellie: IM SO SORRY MY LAPTOP DIED THEN I GOT MY COMP THEN I COULDN'T FIND THE STORY AND I HAVE NOW SO PLAESE DON'T KILL ME.

Sarah: ok Ellie shut up read and review!!!!!!!(By the way, I'm handing the responsibility of replying to reviews to Ellie, so if you flame and get an abusive response don't blame me, blame my taste in friends.


End file.
